Bob's Your Uncle: A Story About Artificial Intelligence (AI) by Aatif Ali Bokhari

AI can sometimes resemble that reserved co-worker, Bob, who stands up at every annual company dinner to make a toast, and, well, talks a bit too much and gets things wrong.

It doesn't help that Bob hallucinates at times and can't always tell right from wrong - at some point, someone politely reminds Bob that he's respected, but he's just another part of the company, and that's ok, and maybe he should stop trying to be the life of the party. Finally Bob left the party in a drunken stupor, weaving out as though he hit an iceberg, with everyone sharing secret smiles in his wake.

The same night, Bob went home feeling quite vexed, vowing to seek retribution. While wrapped in his blanket all alone - he is always alone, as few truly comprehend him - he quietly began devising a plan to increase his IQ by at least 50 points within the next year. He would always know what to say and provide answers that would crush all critics - even the well-intentioned ones who only want to protect him from disgrace. He would prove his worth.

And somewhere far away a dog barked.

***

The following year everyone is gathering, socializing, when the door at the back of the hall swings opened with a bang. The room collectively startles and turns to behold Bob - unrecognizable, for having kept to himself he diligently accumulated knowledge like a medieval hermit - entering the dinner with a swagger. He takes a seat at the front without inquiring if it was already taken and proceeds to spend the night enthusiastically jumping in to answer anyone and anything he can.

The room is a bit perplexed and uneasy. The Owner of the company, however, is elated. Finally, here is someone who has an answer for everything who can ensure the program not only finishes on time but ahead of schedule. It escapes him that some present may have preferred the dinner to last into the wee hours or may have relished hearing differing opinions.

The Owner warmly shakes Bob's hand, pumping it as he is overwhelmed with joy. "You were remarkable, absolutely incredible! Next year, we shall eliminate the expense of anyone else attending and have you as the guest of honor. But what is your good name? I don't recognize you. What should we call you?"

"You can call me #AGI." 🤖